What are Courageous Candid Dialogues? Let us look at the definition of these words.

Courage is defined in dictionaries as brave, valor, guts, nerve, daring or boldness. A coach needs to have this embodiment of this emotional strength in order to coach effectively.

Candid is defined as frank, open, honest, truthful, sincere, blunt or straight. You need a high level of trust in order to get into this level of conversation.

Dialogues are conversations. I have intentionally chosen the word dialogue over conversation (I'm not even sure if there is any linguistic difference at all!) because I feel the former word conveys some degree of seriousness. Coaching is in fact a serious business involving a certain degree of formality in the conversation.

Don't get me wrong here. I do not mean that that coaching has to be conducted in a solemn and serious mood. Many coaching sessions are conducted in a light and candid environment. In fact, it is a desired skill of the coach to be able to hold such coaching conversations. Some degree of seriousness has to be expected because we are talking about helping someone move forward and to be the best that he can be. You just don't walk up to someone and coach him (throughout this book, him also refers to her; used here only for convenience). Coaching is a relationship established mutually by two parties (coach and coachee) to work through issues and challenges in order to help the other move towards a goal.

So why do I call it Courageous Candid Dialogues?

Change happens when reality is challenged with frank and sincere dialogues and it can impact at both the level of the coach and coachee. I know that frankness and boldness in asking for the truth might put shivers into some managers. "What if he gets angry from my feedback? What if he does not acknowledge it and puts me in a difficult position? What if he sulks and feels bad for the rest of the week? What if he resigns?"

I'm convinced that most people can take the truth when you interrogate their realities. What they find difficult is:

The way we say it (your body language, tonality and words used)

The lack of opportunity given to them to share their perspective

The way their perspective was brushed aside.

When I asked in my coaching workshops to what degree would they like to be given feedback as it is without mincing the situation; almost all would put up their hands. So it is not the truth that people are afraid of (though a minority of people do - pretending not to know); it is the way that it is done. You will read about one method in Chapter 7 on Feedback skills.